December 18, 2013

Dream that I’m getting ready for a dance with my friend ------- from high school. She is lying on a couch, not putting much effort into getting ready, like she might just go as is. I am going all out, with a beautiful dress, hair straightened and curled, and am doing my makeup. My feeling is like this might be my last event like this, so go all out. I decide I need some better makeup, so I go to a really high-end store. It is devoted to skin products, and is all soft light and greens. In one section of shelves, or maybe it was drawers?, I see endless colors of eye shadow, the most beautiful colors I’ve ever seen, natural crushed minerals with a slight sparkle to them. They’re all in round crystal tubs. I see one in particular which I fall in love with, a deep rust/burgundy. The people working there wear lab coats; and as I’m walking around, one of them is a man who looks like a TV actor, one who I’ve always been attracted to. I suddenly just want him, and the dance feels trivial. I talk to him in my most sultry voice, my eyes looking up at him through my lashes, as I wind around the pillars and product columns. I say something very clear, like “Wouldn’t you just like to have sex with me instead?” He is following me and says, “Yes, but I (am supposed to be working)” but I see he is walking with me towards a door in the northeast corner of the store. I open the door into a very small, low-ceilinged room, which is comfortable, beautiful, clean, and has a low bed against the far wall that takes up the whole end of the small room, draped in soft sheets. There are a couple steps to descend fully into the room. He still is outside the door, and I sit on the bed and start undressing. When naked, I get into the bed and pull the sheets around me to frame my body. I am so hot and ready and hungry for him. I see the shadow of him taking his clothes off in the crack of the light under the door. Finally the door opens and it’s not him! It’s a woman. An older woman with dark red hair, taller than me. Inside it feels like a bucket of lukewarm water was poured down my belly. I think ok, what am I going to do… and I still have the aching need between my legs, and also I feel bad to have to tell her no now that she is here and ready. I picture just letting her do what she will with me, but I close my eyes and the dream changes In the same night, another dream is of me giving birth again. I am on a huge bed, my head tilted up, and the bed is on a platform in the middle of an otherwise empty, slate gray room, which feels like it is made of stone. A stark white light shines on the bed. The viewpoint switches back and forth between 1st perspective and a view from the perimeter of the room, circling the bed. I feel the pressure, though not the pain, and I begin pushing. The birth comes easily, and I reach down and cradle the baby in my arms, holding it blood-covered, slippery body to my heart. I don’t want it to feel the cold darkness of the room; I can’t imagine a transition that would be more of a shock, from the warm wet softness to a cold damp stone.